Perfect Imperfections

2009-03-19T18:44:00.003+08:00

2 weeks back, my bike is in perfect condition, no scratches, no dents...

Till yesterday, I skidded on the PIE on lane 1, thanks to e-braking on the white marks.& thanks to the slippery road too.

The next thing I knew,my chest thumped & I blacked out for a moment before pulling myself up.

My beautiful,just sprayed bike was lying on d ground. First thing in my mind was "Oh, NO!!! Not my bike!", but der i was bleeding here & der.

I was frustrated.

Oh believe me, that is not the only thing I am worrying about. I need more money, man! Some parts need to be changed.

My condition's good, only the pain I have to bear is unbearable when it comes in contact with H20. Godamnit.

& Thanks to Ju for coming to my rescue at 9am.

Note to self, never rush to work anymore, never selit when road is slippery. NEVER.

2009-03-09T00:30:00.002+08:00

Wow, my PMS is bad.

They live to degrade.

I wonder why did I even bother to place my feet on that ground after being absent for so long. Stupid, yes.

2009-03-07T00:34:00.004+08:00

Since dah boring kan, nak post more pictures yang kat Perth, k k k.
Sambong from the 4th day...

Dapat permission from our family to hit the clubs!!!= ) Hairi get to drive. = )

Thanks to the GPS or we definitely will get lost

Happening kepe

Screwdriver = )

Ice's friend.. He's a gay lah. = ( & tengok baju dia!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Hit another club.. Erm.. banyak sangat bapok, lesbians & gays

Seram kepe.. If only "HE" knows the I actually deliberately took a pic of him. Nyeha

Macam barbie kan?!!!Bleusk

Pergi ke rooftop for some chillout musics and baileys. Yumm

Nak masok nie!!!!
More pics in next entry or so..

Kepala sakit. Throbbing rabak. Been having sleepless nights. At work, lok tang. Cheng teng teng Cheng teng teng. Camane sey.

I'm yet to take a proper picture of my baby. Its not the same candy pink from what I had in mind but this will do.

Mind him.
Mus, the pink panther. Thanks ah eh. I love my new bike colour. = )Yet to change the seat & place some nice deisgns on the body & I'm done.

2009-03-01T22:03:00.003+08:00

I NEED A BLOODY NEW PHONE!!! UNFORTUNATELY I'M TOO BROKE TO GET ONE SO I GOTTA BEAR WITH IT FOR THE TIME BEING. IT BLOODY SWITCHES OFF BY ITSELF WITHOUT ME KNOWING... WHAT MORE CAN GO WRONG!!!!!!!!!

Lemme update about yesterday.

Was out to town with Yaya. Wanted to catch a movie, so we bought tix for Bloody Valentine (3D) @ Cathay. Unfortunately, Yaya had to leave even before the movie start due to some circumstance. I was quite lost for awhile. But, I decided, Ok mus. Tengok jelah.
BUT it was a mistake. A big mistake, infact. I sat alone in the front row & I was freaking out mcm orang gila, sampai nangis2 , cold sweat semua ah. Jantong pun lagi sikit roboh OK!!! So, I made myself busy, smsing here & der. Oh & yea, its a 3D show plus its bloody gore. FUCK. Watch it lah ok! & rate it urself. But yeah, Im proud of myself for being able to survive throught the movie. Of course, you guys have no idea how was I the whole 1 hour & 30 mins. Mcm siak!!! As much as I wanted to run out of the theathre, I was frozed to my seat. = (

Had jamming till 12 am after which & headed to Massie's.I was afraid to go home so yea, Massie's place is kinda my 2nd home anyway & plus, I love her room. heee. Woke up the next morning(just now ah tu),I was in her hot pink shirt & red, flowery bermudas, unmade face & hair, yet we headed down to LJS behind her place for breakfast. Oh both of us didnt shower till 7pm just now? Nyeha. But we had helluva loads of fun. We scare our selves silly. We decided to watch Saw 4 and Hostel 1. Mcm berani ah. We freaked out, I screamed & almost collapsed, we were cursing & swearing, hid our face wf pillows... Aftermath was bad, both of us went silent, dah mcm kena badi.It was raining cats & dogs outside with lightning. It dosent make it better kan? But we are alright now, I guess. heh. We should do it again. Hanged out at Mc Cafe for Double Choc to calm ourselves down, we were pretty jumpy, I was worse lor. Bitch, I love you, ok?

2009-02-27T21:19:00.003+08:00

MUS DAH GILA. MUS DAH GILA. MUS DAH GILA. I'M GOING TO RANT LIKE FUCK. BEAR WITH IT.

Am I intruding somebody's privacy?

Wow. Such a great measure I had went to. & I swear I'm going to collapse if I dun contain myself anytime soon. FUCK YOU. YES. YOU.

Shit. My hands are bloody trembling. Trembling mcm orang sakit peckingson. Eh, what is that illness call eh? Something like that ah. Geram sangat sangat. OK, please Mus, please dun do anything stupid, now. Control, breathe, please, no tears. Shit, its forming. No! No. Don't. OK, thats it. I'm officially crazy. Crazy nak mampos nyer crazy. Take a deep breathe u bitch! *slap face*. Ouch! Sakit lah bodoh!

OK, thats it. Really. I need a breather. I really need a breather.

I want to go to sleep & pretend that I dun know what is happening. Mus, pretend mus!! Jst pretend. Just smile & laugh like you fucking own the world, asshole!

I'm using so the many vulgar. Cheebye. Where is the punching bag when I need one?!!! Where is it!!!!!

Nak shout sampai anak tekak terkeluar. I want to run & dive into the ocean, deep down below. I want to be alone. Alone! GET IT?!!!!

I'll be ok, eventually. I just dont know when. FUCK YOU.

2009-02-26T22:29:00.002+08:00

I miss my vespa!!! Its been 3 weeks since I last saw my baby lah!!! BOO HOO!!! I'm tired of taking d bus back home everyday! I hate the train cuz its so hard to push & squeeze my way out when I reach Paya Lebar. Macam sardin lah!!!

I hope the colour turns out satisfying. Or I'll knock Ah Beng's head sampai benjol bejol. Taking public isnt that bad lah...only the waiting time that suck. & I hate crowds big time.

Cepat lah siap!!! CEPAT!!!

Nak merayap pun susah lah....

2009-02-26T00:39:00.002+08:00

I went out of the lift & ran mcm budak kecik to d safest place ever, my home. SHIT!!! It's going to take a long long time before mus jadi berani again. Alamak, susah lah hidop gini!! Keluar lift, mulut kumat kamit non stop doa, larI,abeh jantung mcm nak roboh. Sampai bila!!IBU!!! NAK PINDAH RUMAH!!! NAK PINDAH CEPAT-CEPAT!!! =(

YES!! I'M A BLOODY SCAREDY CAT EVER!!!!

To make things worse, I had to take the lift at d end, nearest to .... @ 12 am!!!

Camane nie!! Camane !!!!

Takot !!! Takot sangat sangat, ok?! Korang tak tahu mus takot macamane. Super duper terok.

Thanks ah eh!!!!

2009-02-24T19:59:00.004+08:00

How could he be this heartless, leaving them behind in this major shock? How could he do this to the innocence?? R.I.P. May god bless your soul.

I'm insecure. I'm feeling so vulnerable, intimidated, I lacked trust. All those negativity strikes again. Scram!!!!!

Fuckin' hell... Why must I know the things I musnt know?!!! Bodoh.

Cheebye ah. Fucking cheebye. I hate myself for acting this way. Scram PMS!!!! Get lost from my life. U bloody had made my life more miserable than it already had!!! Fuck!!! FUCK!!! FUCK!!!!!

I want to fucking cry like a baby. I want to run. & I really mean run. Run until I run out of breathe & collapse. I want to tug my hair so tight that my scalp bleeds.

Retribution. I gotta make this decision fast. & I mean, fast.

2009-02-23T22:48:00.001+08:00

PMS is here... Stay away...

& I really mean stay away.

Some horrid scenario happened. Shit. Dah takot nak balik malam2 for the time being. Suka ah ibu. Asal kat sini!!!! Y Y Y !!!

2009-02-22T11:45:00.007+08:00

I'm getting bored mcm orang gila at home... So here are some photos @ Perth..

4th Day

Pergi Ke Aqua, mcm underwaterworld gitu

Gig jerong

Fascinated by the fishes

Pegang starfish

Pinjam anak orang putih

Mcm underwaterworld kan kan kan!

Teros ge makan kat sini

Makan cheesecake kat...

Ge masjid.. siti menyibuk..nyeha

Shopping lagi.. padehal dah broke liao

Ge bbq

Great food

Mingle with great peeps

Cute couple

Alah..update nanti. aleh2 kemalas timbul!!

Youth Park. Slap magazine. First open-air performance. Bad stage fright. Close to tears. Trembling. Act slumber.

I fucking lost my etnies shoes I got from Australia. Nabey. Toyol mana sua curik!!!

2009-02-21T01:57:00.002+08:00

I am randomly on hiatus...

Today is goooooooooddddd..... verrrry goooooood infact. = ) I smiled like I was the only person who owns this world. I walked with a skip. I laugh & scream like a mad woman who don't care about her surroundings. Maybe I'm getting better. Don't make me fall. Don't make me fall again...

2009-02-19T20:14:00.000+08:00

On hiatus.

Till den..

2009-02-19T19:50:00.002+08:00

Just leave me alone..

How could this happen. How could someone transform to be such a monster?

What wrong have I done that I got betrayed this bad?

Some people just made a great mistake in life, therefore take your own medicine..

I feel so worthless. My upmost honour went down the drain..

Such a melancholy, this have to happen to me.

Thank you. Thank you so much.

2009-02-18T12:38:00.005+08:00

I wish I could save you cuz there's so many things that I want you to know..

My explanations never turned out right. Never.

This kills me so much...

I've tried my very best to make you understand. But I know you're too upset to understand me. I don't even understand myself anymore.

Where is the girl? Where is she?!

2009-02-16T23:03:00.002+08:00

Wow... I'm drained... Seriously deranged. I'm so tempted to prepare for another trip. I just need to get out of here. Seriously. Far Far Far away.... Why am i running away? Why am I a coward having to flee is the only option?

Is there such a thing called Neverland?

Its tiring having to think, think and think. Day and night. Prolonged.

To think what is the best. To think if whatever actions I'm bound to make is right. To be giving pep talks. Pep talks are bullshit.

It never made me better. Never.

I want to run. Run & run & run & run .... But to where?

Why is life so against me? I need a breather before I make suicide my only choice.

Not a single soul knows what exactly is happening to me.

I collapsed. I'm alive, yet I'm dead.

I feel so useless, helpless, vulnerable, insecure.

There is so many things missing in my life. & Yes, I'm to blame. I let go of beautiful things. I'm afraid, cuz beautiful things always have an end somewhere.

I'm a pessimist. I can;t turn back to what I was once. I've tried. I've struggled. It didnt change.

I'm beyond tired.

Miracles, I need you now.

2009-02-15T20:12:00.004+08:00

Its about time I update about my Aussie Trip. Yeah baby.
1st Day

Makan makanan cina..

Welcome To Perth!!

Yay Yay! Dah Sampai!!

Kastam dia kelakar.. Macam cashier dalam supermarket kan!

Our rented van

Makan kat Ole Ole cafe..

My room!
teros pegi keSorento Quay known as Hillary's Boat Harbour.

2nd Day

Shopped for groceries at Fremantle markets

Macam faham

Honey Strawberries

Headed to Ed Shed. Shopping for souveniers and banyak2 perfume

Dapat boyfriend baru.. Nyeha. mcm faham

Makan Aussie Food @

Shopping Macam nak mampos @ Harbourtown

Headed to CBD area to get more shopping. Dat time dah broke so baca buku @ Border's je.

Got more groceries @ Woolworths

Naik ferry to have lunch @ ...

Owner dia sungguh sombong.

Makan vegertarian food. Yuck

Dorang nyer flyer.. Tak naik.. takot. So jadi cucu baik. jaga nyai kat bawah.

Singgah umah Mariam, Ice's housemate, to do prayers.

Took @ stroll @ d botanic park sambil makan buah buahan

Satu hari nyer shopping. Amek kau.
3rd day

Ge Sorrento Quay again to swim!!!

Air dia super sejuk liao.. So duduk atas float, relek, kasi wave bawak jauh2.

Pinjam anak orang putih

Pergi ke National Wildlife park

Ada competition sape first habeskan susu. Last liao..

Sempat berbicara bersama kambing. Cuz dia mintak susu lagi. Sorry. Next time k?

Angan2 nak jadi mcm kangaroo.. leh tendang orang kasi jatoh. BEst kan!

Paling best dapat amek gambar dan pegang koala. Dari kecik dah termimpi2. Dapat jugak atlast.

Ge chocolate factory

Swimming kat Cotteslow beach where der are sharks.. air dia jernih nak mampos. beh bakarkan badan sekali.

Balik penat2 pun masak tau!!!

4th day

Go to "Two Rocks".. One of the tourist destination. Ada ah legend dia. Tak amek tau. Tau nak amek gambar je.

Shopping for handmade stuffs @ the art shop

Muka suar

Nie kita buat kerja bodoh. padehal ada ramp on the other side of the hill. Kita ada menyusahkan diri panjat.

Pasal nak amek gambar ngan bapak mermaid nyer pasal

Explore Crystal cave over 200 000 years old

Picnic by the lake

Masok koala nyer enclosure

Sand dune.. Kulit terbakar. Tak boleh ternaik sand dia. Turun sekali teros antar board balik. Panas sangat2. Tu Ice dah pengsan. Dah mcm kat dessert .

Teros masok icy cold waters.. Heaven liao.

Another tourist destination..Pinnacles.. Batu2 yang terkeluar dari bumi. Sth like dat ah. Tak amek tahu.

Macam....Toot. Sensored

Macan kasut. Kurnia tuhan

Potong bawang dan chilli

Spaggethi dan Rendang

K next 3 days nyer gambar2 next entry.. Penat ah upload

2009-02-15T11:11:00.002+08:00

I'm trembling, my world is spinning.

Penat. Penat sangat.

Everything is so so so so so so wrong.

Ciaobella.

2009-02-14T14:22:00.004+08:00

Another moment when I can't breathe...

I've switched off my phone. Dun bother msging or kaling me. Seriously.

There is nuting left for me here. I want to leave & not come back. Ever. & I will do it. One day. One fine day.

As a human, I want things to go my way. I want what i want and always make sure I get it. As I've preached, sometimes, we just can't get what we want. I'm mentally tired. It dosent end.

I want to go back to Perth. Or anywer in the world with beautiful beaches. I want to sit on the float,on d waters & stare at the horizon & leave my cares away.

Why? Why did I came back?

Happy Valentine's Day.

2009-02-13T19:24:00.002+08:00

I'm back !!!! & I'm dark. Not tan anymore liao!!!!

PERTH is perfect. Believe me, I do not wanna go home. There are plans ahead. But sometimes, when you let go of things, its the best. I will spare the details cuz its not confirmed. But yeah, I love to live there!!!!! I want to! I want to!!!

Pics will be up very soon. Most will be in facebook though. Bali nyer gambar pun lum post. Heh. Ok, I'm not in a good mood. Like seriously. I dunnoe if i'm tired , jet lagged or what crap.

Baik singapore je problem timbul. Eargh.

Laters

2009-02-07T04:44:00.003+08:00

Off to AUSSIE!!!

Now I know how painful it is to see someone you used to share your part of your life with in d arms of another person. It pains more to conceal the pain.I won't deny.I couldn't lie to my feelings.

But still, I'm alright. Not perfectly but fine. But she's fine. = ) We communicate. Quite weird. But yeah. But hey, I'm happy for them too. Its just that ... nvm. I'll keep the details to myself.

Menopause The Musical, is bloody funny. I crack like crazy. Gila ah. haha. Go watch!!!Thanks Babal. Really. Thanks for fetching me in d cute car, thanks for d musical suprise yang tak menjadi, thanks for the gift. You're full of suprises.

I need some more time...

Back in a week, insya allah. Till den. .. Sayonara.

2009-02-06T00:47:00.002+08:00

I'm going to be a busy bee tomorrow. After work, send bike for spray, den to watch Menopause, the Musical, den off to jamming, & maybe just maybe COD till god knows what time. That leaves me about an hour to get ready before heading to the airport, at 6am. Whoa.

If I bring my lappie, I'll c u guys in MSN. Under contemplation on to bring it or not. Nyeha.

Ok, nak main PSP!!!

2009-02-04T18:46:00.004+08:00

Maybe I am a jerk. Maybe I am a monster. Maybe I am a bitch. But all these that I'm doing, is indeliberate. In my life, nothing is more important than making everyone happy. But yes, I have changed. I'm no longer that girl 21 years back. It might be unfair to many. Cuz yes, many couldnt accept the way I do things now. They will go " You've changed, alot". In my life, I've gone through so many changes . Its a struggle. Now, its time to accept mine. But that does not mean, its ok for me to not consider people's feelings.

When secrets are meant to be secrets, please keep it.

I'm sorry. Cuz I really am. Sorry might mean nothing. But if there are other words that would express more....

I tried to be ok. I tried to push myself to look at better days. But whats infront of me is just a dark path, not leading me to anywhere...

2009-02-03T20:02:00.005+08:00

The ex confessed he is attached. The way he delivered the news to me was cute. Macam takot kena marah. Haha. But anyway, I'm happy for you. My last advice to him was "Please take care of her". & Make sure you do.

But still, I'm doing good. No worries.

The holiday home where I'llbe staying in Perth

The banglow

Hall, I suppose

Kitchen area

Bedrooms

Bbq & Balcony

5 mins walk to Mahalloo beach

10 mins walk to Hillary's Boat Harbour&

25 mins to Perth's CBD!

I'm too cooped up with stuffs I forgot I'll be leaving in a few days. Yet to pack. Procrastinating. Tsk tsk. Soon, I guess.

Been staying home lately after work. It feels more bliss to be in my room, on d bed, away from people. Sounds not right. Maybe for the time being,though. Im not usually like this. I suffocates being @ home. & now, my room is where I find my solace. = )

On the contrary,

I'm going to send my bike for a major revamp when I'm away to Aussie! It would be in this candy pink!! & the seat would be in white with plashes of colours & design. = )

2009-02-02T19:53:00.004+08:00

Yesterday was a day out with bestie... I LOVE MY BESFRIEND VERY VERY MUCH. THE ONE & ONLY BESTFRIEND EVER.I know, sounds so secondary school thingy right? But yes, she is my right wing (as she said). The best. I am super grateful to have her as my bestie. She supports me in everything. & plus, she is bloody gorgeous. = ). I LOVE YOU!!!

We went to town, caught Bridewars @ Cathay. MUST WATCH!!. & yes, bring ur bestfriend to watch it with you. The story have a subtle message. No matter how big a tiff you have with your bestfriend, the bond could never be broken. That happens alot to us, right mas? We literally ran away from each other, not seeing each other for a year or so? But when we meet, we realise how much we missed each other. & no, I won't ever leave you, again. After the movies, we headed to ECP to have girls' talk. With our double chocolates,of course.

& she told me I don't deserve to be in this mess. She even said, I'm lucky. Am i? & she taught me, sometimes, we have to be bad to be kind. People will hate us for doing so, but when they realised what we done is actually the best, they wil get over it. & yes, being bad is something very tedious for me to do. Sighs. & it amazes her how much of a pessimist I had become when I used to be an optmist, when she, was a major pessimist, & now, a major optimist. So weird how things changed, huh?

I'm sleepy. Blog soon.

2009-02-01T10:42:00.002+08:00

Sentosa with my best girls really put my mind off things... & its's a lil gateaway to rejuvenate myself... Went swimming @ Pahlawan's... so the many matreps...Annoyance...Played the luge..Major fun. The Skyride? I didn't enjoy it at all.., I spent 31/2/4 of the the time regretting I even sat on it....I was shivering like a mad woman, screaming macam budak bodoh, ... Yes, on a skyride. Even the lil kids didn't do so bad...But a 21 year old, screaming on a skyride? Major embarrasment. Lucky Nadh was by my side, trying hard to compose me. & thanks for saying " Pape jangan tengok bawah". Its bloody high lah siak!

On the other note,
YOU CAN TELL PEOPLE MY FLAWS & MAKE THEM HATE ME. FUCKER. YOU CAN TELL THE WHOLE WORLD. GO AHEAD.

2009-01-30T22:14:00.002+08:00

Stop asking if I'm alright cuz I'm not...

I'm not ok. I'm not ok. I'm not ok. I need to be alone for god till noes when from everybody. I only need my bestfriend & my mum for now. Noone else.

True what they said, I changed. I changed into a monster. I did things I never done in my previous 21 years of my life. I did things I'm not supposed to do. My mind is a mess. I am in a mess.

The only people who truly understands is my bestfriend & my mum. They know me the best. They know what kind of person I am. I have flaws but the last thing I want to do is hurt a person. That hurts me the most. They know I have my reasons. & that matters. Actually what matters most is what I think.

I'm in a mess. Get it? I am in a great helluva mess. Way beyond mess. I tried to uncomplicate things but it becomes more complicated than it already had. I want to scream till I vomit black blood. I want to cry bloody tears. I want to hurt myself. Oh hell yes, I will when I lost my sanity. & about to.

2009-01-29T10:35:00.004+08:00

I'm sorry, for hurting you...

& I'm sorry, for dissapointing you

& I'm sorry for doing what I had to do.

But I couldn't change who I really am

& I can't seem to make you understand cuz there is a reason shining through.

I'm sorry cuz its not supposed to be me & you

Forgive me...Cuz I can't control how I feel

Forgive me..

My ex have a pretty girlfriend...= ) Like I always said, words don't do justice. (Stole from bestie). heh. Maybe he looked me into my eyes when he said he misses me. Maybe he did looked into my eyes & said he still loves me. & I told him " If that girl can take better care of you than I do, I will be happy for you". He said "No". Infact, I feel happy for him. Its just good to know that you acknowledge that I had always been there everyday for you. During your army period, the times mishaps happen when you didnt listen to me... I am glad you remembered I was there at any cost for you & that is all I want to hear from you, " You were the one who was there, noone else".

Enough said about the ex...

I almost collapsed many a time.. When I close my eyes, all I see is circles rotating @ a fast pace. I do not want to think too much...But I have to. I want to explain to many why I always think too much. Maybe I did sumting drastic to someone who don't deserve but ... I just can't explain anymore... Please fathom.

2009-01-28T19:37:00.007+08:00

So much for a better 2009.

" Never regret whatever decision that you make. U end up not being able to make that decision".
Those sentence you taught me, I will learn.

I'm crushed to the core. My tears are falling non stop. Believe me, I have issues I have yet to handle & Im resolving it in ways that hurts me more,one by one..

I have to pick myself up... Now. or Never.

People thought it dosent hurt when you hurt someone. They always thought it is easy for someone to break news that will hurt. Nobody wants to hurt & get hurt. As much of a jerk or bitch you will see them after getting hurt by them, believe me, nobody mean to hurt. Cuz every person have their reasons why...This is life. Ironic but d latter I just said, that's part of life. I need to be alone for the time being.

& I mean alone.

2009-01-27T10:50:00.004+08:00

For a certain someone,

I'm seriously deranged.

When smile is a veil ..
This time round, my brain totaly malfunctioned. I do not want to hurt anybody cuz I know the feeling of getting hurt. I know. I've been hurt countless of times, both deliberately or not. Don't hate me if I had hurt you cuz I do not want to. I NEVER meant to. My tears are falling again & again cuz it hurts me so much to hurt you... You've been such a nice person. An angel infact. I'm not calculating ur flaws to pursue my decision.I know you blamed urself for what happened . But no, I know u meant well. You have many good things in you that I know. Even before we got close, I know you were a great person. & I thank god you had crossed my path. At the end of the day, we humans are selfish souls. We want things to go the way we want it. We are afraid to face mishaps cuz we know we are weak to handle it. And then we go berserk that it didnt go the way we want it to be & everything once beautiful turns ugly & then, hatred form. I do not want that to happen. I understand you. I feel you. I am sorry I am still doing this despite knowing what you will go through till I come back.

Alot of things in life is very absurd for us to explain as much as we want to. We try to explain but it never turns out right. & No, there is no other third party that causes my sudden turnover. Its just me. Even if you hate me after this, I could understand why but deep down, I hope you will not. I still want to see you smile at me. I still want to listen you talk to me.

I had never ever pretended.I had always been myself. Those clumsiness, those sillyness, my sacarstic moments, the times I burp out loud. It had been me all the time. Just never ever compare me & those you knew before.

We've been through so many great moments. . .

2009-01-26T11:49:00.010+08:00

After things happen, we then realise...

Yesterday marks another morose moment. I used to be capable of handling major crisis until now. Words are futile and tears don't mean anything.

I want to know if I could ever be good enough. I need to retrospect before I make any decisions.I do not want to hurt anyone.I don't believe in remorse. As much as I want to be rational in resolving matters, I am afraid I will become selfish & do things drastically without thinking. If that happens, forgive me.

2009-01-25T12:44:00.002+08:00

I'm giving up....

Ambek gambar ngan apek yang tgh tido lena

Sumpah vodka dia lawa

The gangs

Bawah tu bukan laut k nadh. Tu cloud

The sucky breakfast

BALI!

Lion Air

Otw to our hotel

Lobby

Seram gang

Bellboys

The weather

More pix will come

2009-01-23T20:02:00.003+08:00

Australia trip in 2 weeks. Will be gone for a week. I'll bring my lappy along so I guess I'll c you guys in MSN!! Yes ah! Still, I wanna save & go to Bali again. I wanna ride the ATV. & parasail. Work had been a pressure. I couldnt take it any longer.

2009-01-21T18:50:00.003+08:00

At this point of time, I hate my life. At times like this, sometimes I wonder, is it worth living? A taste of my own medicine?

Ironic.

Let is be my PMS. I'm so insecure right now. So insecure I wish I could just ....

Goodbye.

2009-01-21T02:36:00.002+08:00

This time round, I don't know if i should go left, right, straight or turn back. Where will it lead me? To pure contentment? Or another mishap? I'm afraid to lead myself now. I'm under a whole lot of pressure to think of what step to take. The decision to what I want in life is in my hand. & decision making is not something I'm good at. This time round, it seems like things are going back to square one. & I don't wish to appear in the picture anymore.

2009-01-19T10:20:00.001+08:00

I left my heart in Bali & I brought a tan back to Singapore. Bali=Perfect. I wanna go there again. Many pix will do the talking. Soon enough. SHopping was ... *speechless*. Good day.

2009-01-14T19:03:00.002+08:00

& Today is the big day. I'll be flying at 6.30am later. Bad news, Bali is having thunderstoms. Yes. Let me repeat, thunderstorms. Sighs. I'm just hoping for the best. My head is spinning, my body is shivering. Seriously lacked of sleep. Basically I can't sleep now. Or I'll wake up at god knows what time. Still need to do some packing & den I'll be done. Passport, checked. Cash, checked. Camera, checked.

2009-01-13T19:38:00.003+08:00

What past is the bloody past,mofos.

I got nothing to do now so I actually sang a song, its dedicated to a certain someone actually. Heeh. phatetic kan? I know.

I have so the many photos siak

I don;t know what the hell is wrong with me but suddenly, I feel like settling down & get married. I am not kidding, ok?. I want to start really anew with a husband(wonder who is he?) & let all the things I once hold a past. I believe dats when I'll find my solace. I kinda have enuf of enjoying my singlehood. I want my status to be official. My bestfriend got shocked by what I shared. I even told my mum , I want to bloody get married. I know it sounds funny. But I do. I want to be a loyal, good mum. ; 0

2009-01-12T18:30:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was the upmost shocking speechless day of my life. I can see the worst coming. He is going to make my life hell. I've come prepared. I'll make sure my words will do justice, on my own. You can use your fist but I will stick to words. He is a BIG ass coward. & the most phatetic guy I've ever even known. I'll lose certain things in the process but yeah, I will stand up for my every rights I own. Big shit.

Nak upload gambar. Tiba tiba kemalasan timbul.

Mata kelat nak mampos. Shit.

2009-01-11T16:34:00.002+08:00

A lot lot lot lot lot lot lot lot lot lot of pix to be posted soon!a

My weekends was purrrfect. First & foremost, a big congrats to Sri Marwani who is now officially married to Hafizal. Her wedding was damn grand. She's beautiful as usual. Her gown was a WOW. The dinner was held @ Jurong & I suggested to take bus 30 to Boon Lay.It took me & mizah 2 hours to reach. Pandai sangat kan.

Rushed back home , met Bubba & we headed to downtown east for his friend's birthday chalet. It was all good. = ) Didnt get too wasted bur I lost my breath for 10 seconds after having dat teqilla in a much more amount den I normally had. I seriously tot I wanted to die at that spot, d burning sensation was super great. I was like omg, please don't take me away now.Not now. Not now!!! Checked out @ 12pm just now & rushed again.

Headed to Bubba's friend's wedding. The girl's side have that chocolate fountain & I was literally jumping. They have marshmallows, fruits, blah blah. Makan makan makan, sekarang macam nak muntah. Terok. & the pelamin was beautiful. Kinda gothic to me. = )

Wan bell aked me out later. Sorry gang. Mata gua mintak kena tutup. Tadi the whole way sudah loktang!!!

2009-01-10T11:36:00.003+08:00

People just can't seem to just keep their mouth shut,can't they?. WTF. All they do is share their worthless opinions. They have issues in their life yet they spare to resolve for others. Crap. I love being silent, literally on my own now, doing the things that make me happy. The things & people that used to make me happy is just a pass-by. Cuz I decided, they are no longer now in my list of significance. I think I've found my pure happiness. & I'm putting out this picture from the people who loves to create melancholy out of it.

LOOK, the reason why I can't wait.

5 more days to go. My heart goes gedap gedup gedap gedup. Are you ready kids?

2009-01-08T19:34:00.004+08:00

I decided, I can't actually share many things to certain people, anymore. I kinda had it.

Single yet attached.

The word "steady" is just another description to decribe the relationship status of 2 souls being together. To me, the bond the 2 souls have is whats important than whats been described in d latter. If you love that person, even if you guys is not what you called "Offically Attached", you will never think of leaving him/her just because there is no status. Its all about how much you show & how much you would do for the,. What's telling yourself you have a steady boyfriend/girlfriend when you know you are suffering having that status? Anyways, that is my point of view.

My kepala is so very d sakit. Thanks to d Singpost van & d ever bumpy ride drove by BOB. It pulled my mood down to the core & it sucks lor. But doing deliveries are fun. I have to go up & down here & der. & mostly are at warehouses & lemme tell u now, its godamn scary. Believe me I was literally running & yeah, i got lost couple of times searching for the unit numbers. Sungguh kacau..

Nak tido!!!!

2009-01-07T18:31:00.004+08:00

I hate it when my instincts turns out to be correct.

Hapy 22nd!

Semalam gerek gila! Bubba invited me to play bowling @ Pasir Ris with some of his Canadian friends cum a b.day gathering. The b.day boy is so the cute & kecik. He actually ride DR-Z!!! Geram sangat. We reached at 12.30am & the guys managed to play for only 30 mins cuz the bowling place closes @ 1am. Aha. I was very the awkward & out of place but the people were nice & friendly. Gila gila ah. Remind me so much of d buai2 guys. *sighs*. Had supper @ Simpang Bedok before going home.

Oh & while me & Bubba was on our way to meet his friends @ Tampines, we heard a loud band or was it crash ? I didnt exactly see how it happened but right after the sound & when Bubba stopped @ d traffic light, we saw pieces of glass , a black car, an SP bike(in d very terok state) & worst, a young man lying on d floor. Dah macam ulat lah. Mcm malaikat tgh tarik nyawa & den he was motionless. Bubba helped him, checked his pulse & everything. I kept a distance from d scene. Bubba said his eyes was bleeding & part of his arm seemed like it had been skinned. Goodness. I hope he will be ok & manage to survive. It was realy scary. What if that was me or someone I love? *shudders*. Ride safely k peoples.

2009-01-06T20:13:00.004+08:00

No. I aint a coward. =)

Lisa,the sweet girl who took care of me. = )

Fuck to those who judge. Not all pictures say a thousand words afterall.

2009-01-05T19:11:00.002+08:00

If I read the bible, does the make me a Christian?
If I read the torah, does that make me a Jew?
If I have fair skin, does that mean I'm a Chinese?
If I have blond hair, does that mean Im dumb?

Don't ever make judgements.

I'm super upset with those who loves to make judgements by what they see, followed by making their own conclusions & assume they are correct. D worse part is, they actually act like they know everything when they know zilch about what is really happening around and actually share their false statements to another party. & it somehow put certain things in my life in jeopardy. & The one facing it again is? Tada.. ME. Stop trying to mean well & deliver it otherwise when you don't even know what you are talking about.

& I'm disgusted with those who actually prefers to listen through words of mouths instead of the party itself. Belive me, all my explanations on the things that ever occured, had fall on deaf ears. & I did say before, Y should I explain any further. Human error; Mistakes I made, I have my own reasons Y. Again, im saying this. I may have proved you people your point but that does not mean it justifies everything.I'm sane enough to know what I'm doing. I'm a human too. & I don't deliberately hurt someone unless THEY DESERVE IT. Hurt is always painful. Read in between the lines. Have u guys even thought about me? Too bad, you guys don't know me well enough. You guys don't even have a clue about how I used to work in my relationship. The ups & downs I've had in my current past relationships.Cuz all you guys see is laughter. & I accept that all blames had been awarded to me just bcuz its visible. Still, der is no need to use that 'mistakes' i had made till this very moment.

Read in between the lines & fathom. This is not about defending my ass. Its about justfying my rights. Lets just say, all of us made mistakes. Mend them instead of mending others. Do some retrospection. I'm an imperfect mortal & so are you.

2009-01-05T00:47:00.002+08:00

I feel like shit. I've gotta stop going with the flow. I HAVE to know what I really want in my life. I'm afraid to make decisions. I'm afraid I get hurt by what I chose. But I have to. Infact, I need to. I can't be someone who dosent bother. I thought I've achieved being that someone but I'm just living in a lie. That is not me. Alot of things are so absurd I just don't even know how to start & how to end.

2009-01-04T04:35:00.004+08:00

Yes, my shoe got all wet mcm. Pose still tak lari.

Yesterday was cycling with Ju & Ecah @ East coast. I miss hanging out with this couple.Its just so nice to sit & hang out after quite sometime. I wouldnt really call it cycling. We cycled till d jetty & hanged out till we had to return the bicycle.Met Farhan & Eylia. Den Dd, Sayyid, Wan Bell & Rul came & join us. I left to meet Bubba, we headed to Pasir Ris . Got some boozes, & hanged out at Pasir Ris Beach for some clarification. Hope everything is okay now. Caught IP Man @ Cathay's Pasir Ris. OMG, I love martial arts movies & his moves was beautiful. Nak belajar kung-fun,can? Then can sebat2 orang.

2009 had just started & here I am, off to a bad start. I hope things had been clarified. I don't wish to know about it ever again.

Being single had been quite tough. Tougher than when I am attached.

Here I am, making a decision.

I'm shattered. Peoples. Stop it. Meaning well or not,just don't intefere with my life, anymore.

Let me breathe.

TRUST. That is all that matters. Too many questions=Doubts.

2009-01-01T23:12:00.002+08:00

Welcoming 2009 was awesome. Met up with the great kakis. = ) Me & Bal got lost for about an hour searching for them guys when we actually walked literally past them at Esplanade.

The super gorgeous birthday girl

D birthday boy in d middle. So wasted.

After d countdown, me & Bal proceeded to Mama's Carribean Bar @ Clarque Quay. Screwdriver was awesome & I was gone. Like really gone. Bal let his bike parked @ Capitol & his fren drove us home. The girls were great, like totally friendly. = )

Blog soon!! I'm super tired.

2008-12-31T19:33:00.003+08:00

2008 had been quite a year for me.The year I lost my boyfriend of 4 years, how I've strayed away from people I was once very very closed, the year I started to try things I never tried before,. Too many drastic things happened. This year, I swallowed alot. But on the contrary, I gained back d person I called my bestfriend & I met amazing people & that is all that matters. 2009. May it be a better year.

Thanks Nadh for following me just now. We both were rishing to get my Gladiator sandals so I could match them with that halter boho dress. It matched perfectly, thank god. Side tracked & got shorts from FOX. its selling for half d price, cute nailpolishes and another sundress. Bali is now in my mind all d time. If all is good, me & bal will be attending his friend's party at some club after countdown @ Marina Barrage. Love loves!!

2008-12-31T01:22:00.003+08:00

Again....

Words don't do justice. So, allow me to make my actions work. I'm sick. I'm tired. Of going through this.. .again & again.

At this moment, I want to get wasted. I want to get so high that I don't even want to know I existed. I want to cry so bad, I want to sob as loudly as I could. I want to place my face under my pillow & yell . But how can this help? How will this help?

Maybe I will be a history. How can I help others when right now, I can't even help myself?

I need a gateaway. Suddenly, Bali trip seems sooo faaarrr aaaawaaay. Can I put myself to sleep till that day arrives? Am I the one putting myself in a morose state when everything is actually OK? I dont know.

2008-12-30T02:35:00.003+08:00

My PMS is acting up again. Big Time. Is it really PMS or is people around getting to me? I can't control myself at this moment. If it is true what they said 'pain is good', I shall pursue hurting myself. Will I be at ease after which?

2008-12-29T19:55:00.003+08:00

My face felt hot, my ears buzzed and hot tears formed. But I managed to blink back the tears before it rolled down my cheeks. Stupendous moments & beautiful memories played in my head. & yes, my lips carved a smile. I shook my head knowing how silly I am since I have moved on, we both know whats been broken can never be mended. & I, want to stay it this way.

I'm giving my smashed heart to someone who is very much significant to me. & I hope you'll take care of it. Cuz I trust you will.
When I love, I'll love. I'll do anything. Just anything to make it beautiful.

2008-12-28T17:35:00.003+08:00

I'm basically starving. Hmm. What did I had today? A lil portion of Nasi Goreng Abalone, 2 slices of bread & Maggie Curry. Mrs Red's bound to visit always tend to give me a big appetite. I feel like Jughead now. I'm making myself bread with raspberry jelly. Since when did I even want to eat jelly on bread? Ok, I'm pretty much bored. But I guess I will just stay home, be a good girl, open a good book & stuff my face.

Oh oh. Angels & Demons by Dan Brown is coming out in theatres next year. I WANT TO WATCH!!!! Somehow like Da'Vinci Code, I have the strong feeling the novel is way better den d movie. But wat the heck. Laters!!!

2008-12-28T01:02:00.002+08:00

I'm super tired. Its like only 1 am & I'm home on a Saturday night. I slept at 7am just now & was forced to wake up at 12pm by my good friend. Geram sangat.

The gig was pretty OK. We were the last 2 bands I think & as per norm, not many people. But wat the heck. My head was hurting as I performed. I almost wanted to slam the mic & throw myself on d floor & go to sleep.

OK, blog soon. Brain pretty much malfunctioning. Fingers are begging to stop typing. Ciaobella.

2008-12-26T21:31:00.003+08:00

Aku rasa aku dah gila pasal besok aku nak ge town. Nak buat tattoo.

Hah. Mcm faham. Tapi nak ge tindik lidah. Overrated. I know. Erm. Where else eh. Tummy. Nah. Too Buldging. Kena jogging 1000000000000000000000000000000000001 rounds to get the perfect bod den can tindik. Hmm. Lets stick with tounge.

K aku makin gila cuz aku tak tahu ape aku merepek. Aku tengah boring nak mampos. Tunggu 30 mins tuk turun buai2. Tak nak turun siang2. Mendak wek. Mata pun dah nagntok. Ape aku baru cakap semua pure merepek. Korang panggil aku merepek pun ok pasal aku tengah merepek. K banyak sangat merepek.

The worst is yet to come, the days are getting shorter.

I'm in my worst state, currently. I'm crying like hell. I was browsing through, I can somehow forsee what is going to happen next. Heart rending, yes. I love predicting melancholy moments so when atleast reality slaps, I'm quite ready to face it. Sighs. Many things are so unpredictable right now. I feel like I want to go under my covers & not leave until a hundred years time. Will 2009 be a better year? I remembered I want 2008 to be a gd year but no. It was like d worst ever? OK, maybe im too bummed to think of the good things I gained. Prolly this is just my mood swings. Go away already. Eargh. So COD4 later. I was all hyped until....NOW. ok dats it. Probably just my moodswings. Yesterday was bad too. I had a smal tiff wf a friend. I almost smashed my lappie & I actually smashed my home phone. Dats like so bad. I even wanted to run away & ride & throw myself off my bike. How drastic is that. See?!! PMS is so not a good thing.

2008-12-25T12:17:00.002+08:00

At times like this, I feel like a BITCH. I actually vented out my unreasonable mood swings to people who do not deserve it. But it couldnt be helped. Lotsa apologies. ASSHOLE? What was I thinking?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wan is fascinated with the bones

Semalam was so the gerek. We caught the 2.30am shown & we reached town at about 11.30pm? We hanged out at Youth Park & ate turkey Bubba brought. It was like my first time eating d latter, not bad. Walked around town, so the many many people. I get nervous in big crowds. Hmm. I wonder why. Bedtime stories is a two thumbs up but somehow I fell asleep on some parts. The three of us infact. But I managed to wake myself up. I was so in a comfortable sitting position, that is why. After which, we had supper at Spize Rivervalley. I ended up not finishing my Mee Kuah cuz its like sooo much. Heh. I almost throw up. & My tummy wasnt being nice enuf as well. Thanks to the chilli padi I had during lunch ystrday.

SO what shall I do today?

2008-12-24T22:02:00.003+08:00

I'm online with my bestfriend now & boy YOU have issues. Hee. I love rubbing in things. = )

I'm out in awhile. Gonna catch " Bedtime stories" with Bubba & Wan. Oh btw, Merry X'mas ya people. So, what do i wear later? Shit...

2008-12-23T20:05:00.003+08:00

I don't pray for people I loathe to suffer. I am not like that. But sometimes, a taste of their own medicine is the best eyeopener, EVER. Hey, I've tasted my own medicine many a time too. & As an imperfect mortal, I tried my best to learn. Even if I dun learn, I face the aftermath myself. But I'm good now. I've loved & been loved. A favour please? Don't intefere with my life anymore? & I really mean everyone, I don't care if you meant well or not. I do take care of myself. I don't go fucking around so thats pretty much ok, isnt it. When I booze & wasted, I only go with those who priortise me before them. So, no worries people.

Im godamn excited for the Bali trip. 24 days to go? My 2 best guys will be der & we are so gonna have a blast. Like bubba said " E beautiful beach, throwing sand at you, party all night long, eat good food, make you bungee jump & shopping."

Im basically broke. But yeah, I'm stil going. As long as my tummy is full, my camera is loaded with photos & I don't get swallowed by the high waves, I'll be fine. = ) Counting down the days...

2008-12-22T18:56:00.004+08:00

On a random note, I love Fira gila babi nyer. Heh.

So here are some pixs on d semi clean nite out wf Bubba. + ) No boozes. Heh.

Tempat dia lawa nak mampos

Orang jakon amek gambar dalam toilet. Seriously. Lawa nak mampos.

Me & Cinderalla

Combo meal

He have to bloody cut the chicken for me. I'm not good wf cutting chicken with utensils. Dah biasa makan pakai tangan. Kacau.

Fairies

Us with the Prince Charming, Princess & their fairies.

Hee

The Jewel Box

Lawa nak mampos kan

View from the cable car

Believe me, I was all clammy and nervous mcm orang gila.

Off to Marina Barrage

Bal tanye "Asal berbungkus2?" I didnt know it was this bad.

Mata Koyak gangs

Thanks bubba.

Retribution and Karma is the sweetest, don't you think? & To think my silence had paid off big time. Satisfaction is a bliss. After sucha long time swallowing & holding back, great god had given the taste of medicine needed.

I was looking at the calendar & I realised, I've been single for 5 months. This is like my longest ever & I'm still loving single life. I'm a comitted person but yeah, maybe I need some more time before jumping in another relationship. Maybe a tad more time.

Love is inevitable. You cannot force people to go in & out of love. It comes naturally. So what if you had fallen in love with your own friend? Your collague? Or even your own best friend of the opposite sex? It happens. Nothing to be suprised about. Cuz the happiness lies in you after all. People talking leads to nowhere.

2008-12-21T18:25:00.003+08:00

I got nothing left to say. I had it with a whole lot of people. I used to be someone who would swallow alot. But I'm sorry, I'm not like that anymore. Oh, sure I made mistakes. Maybe I overlooked too many mistakes from people dat I expect my mistakes would be overlooked too. But nah, my mistake is so godamn visible. I recieve cold shoulders & all those shits. All my being nice to you, wer did you thrashed it?

I'm sorry cuz I do not like to bring up my deeds but atleast appreciate it. Oh, maybe that's it. Maybe I just had enough. Leave me alone already. So atleast I wun hurt you & you wun hurt me. Prolly that would be the best.

Just don't make me change my thoughts about you people. Just don't

2008-12-21T06:48:00.002+08:00

I want to cry like hell. What more do you expect from me? What wrong have I really done to deserve this. I'm really sick of this. Communication glitch happens too many a time. I tried my very very best but NO, its all adds up to NOTHING. Drastic measures to be made. Soon. Very soon, indeed.

2008-12-19T19:12:00.005+08:00

Many only knows how to talk and bitch, because they do not have any other business in their life. Too many free time, too little minds. So, I was told I was the whole cause of the "chaos". Think again. My lil mouth is still closed. I'm waiting for the very right time to voice out. Oh, when that time comes, it wil be the sweetest thing ever. NOT.

SO here, fuck you, motherfuckers.

Believe me, I will still live my life the way I want it. Do not even intend to invade or destroy my life. You'll fail, fools. Oh hell yes, I'm no longer that girl. Happy now.

My parents brought me up with religious and moral foundations. SO whatever flaws you asses had seen in me, its nothing gotta do with my upbringing. Never ever blame the parents for their child's mistakes. I've been hearing stuffs about the way I wear. Just because my sister is the total opposite, introvert and decent get ups.

Get a life. You people need it.

2008-12-16T14:26:00.001+08:00

Till when must I hide this. Till when?

I can't do this forever. I can' bear to face the aftermath.

2008-12-14T23:03:00.003+08:00

Photos of the outing with Bubba

Ice Cream Chefs

Oh hell yes. I was a damn happy girl.

Camwhore pt1

I look like fuck

My mum say he have a cute nose

Mata Gatal

Long Island Tea, Bacardi.. All is good

Labrador

Another fucked up look

Edir's Favourite

Ah cute lah tu

Peace Bitch

wtf

I'm tearing badly. My ex was sweet. So yeah, I fell & sprained my right foot. Band photoshoot nyer pasal. Haha. Ambek gambar dalam longkang besar, berlumut2 pulak tu. I seriously didnt know dat lumut can be dat slippery lor. So i was balancing myself on d slope to avoid d lumut but somehow my body gave away. & Koong. Its in bloody pain now. The ex sent me home. & yeah, it was unexpected. He send me till my lift lobby. His msg "Put some ice on the foot" just make me smile. He is another subtle man. Sighs. Yeah, but moving on is moving on. I'm just grateful. & to Ju, Dd , Rul & Ecah as well. Thanks.

Ok, i've stopped tearing. Heh.

2008-12-14T12:35:00.002+08:00

Semalam was out with Bubba. He brought me to this very nice small ice cream shop along east coast road,i think? I had d cookie dough with froot loops & m&m. Like seriously, I had orgasms. My next stop if I need ice cream!!! Ice Crem Chefs, d name of d shop. = ) Headed to Vivo, we caught Make a porno. Kekek nak mampos kepe!! ahaha.. We den bought boozes & headed to Labrador park. We somehow fell asleep & woke up at 6.30 am.

It was a nice day out with you. Really. Thanks for everything. & i mean it.

2008-12-13T06:47:00.003+08:00

Babal kata dia nak masok MSN. Mus dah masok Babal takda poooon!!! Taknak geng for .... 1 second? Ok i'm crapping. I'm yet to bloody sleep. Like really bloody sleep.My brain system is going haywire as d second tick by. Its in bloody pain but I got one whole day to rest this pitiful body of mine. Been sleeping dead recently. It's like when I close my eyes, I'll fall into a deep sleep & unaware of my surroundings, at all. Unlike usual, I have a hard time doozing off, & den wake up early. Den again, I gotta buck up & start going to work early. Shit. I hope I'm not being monitored. & & I'm kinda haing major worries. Mrs Red just had her visit like a week back. & Now, she visited again, with bloody heavy flow. Girls, any idea if der is any possibilities of something chronic I might be facing? Shucsks.Spare me d details. Maybe Mrs Reds misses me. & But it pulled my mood to d bottom, I become sensitive out of a sudden. PMS lor. Super terok.

Bubba, I'm still waiting while I can. Nie mesti dah tersanding katil nye. Grrr. COD4 was best as per norm. Playing againt Pie sakit hati. Hahah. He's like super good. Baru hidup mati lagik. Kerat kerat kerat. Takda kerja lain!

"Pukimak ah Pi. Sial ah Pi. Kau pakai cheat code pe. Eh pusing2 Pi kat blakang. Alamak, Pi terlepas. Cabot. Yay! Dapat kerat Pi ah!" Hhah. Kekek nak mampos ah dorang.

2008-12-10T19:54:00.002+08:00

I'm currently at Coasta Sands, my maternal side is having a family gathering, bbq & all. Best. But lucky shit, I brought my laptop along. There is wireless here. Atleast I got something to do at night cuz I believe them people are gonna tuck in early. Miting Bubba later, we are going to Mustafa centre to grab stuffs for Christmas gift exchange. Its him actually lah. I am just gonna accompany him. Lalalala.. As days goes by, I'm loving Mr Bubba so much. I've been saying this like in every entry? Cuz kan, he is one of the most sweetest guy I ever know. & The only person who actually said I'm smart. Sometimes, we gotta act stupid & gullilbe. I love you lah Bal!!! Like really ultimately extremely beyond words love you!!!

Hmmz. So what else am I suppose to blog about ei? Im pratically blank now. OK maybe i'll post some pics if I get bored later on. I have a camera & tons of pics but I'm procrastinating to upload it. Like seriously. Heh.

2008-12-10T00:32:00.002+08:00

I kinda had enough. Its about time. I cant be that girl who lay her head down & say OK all the time. Its about time to justify my rights. Call me an egoistic person. Whatever. So Mus change, so what? Live with that.

2008-12-09T00:57:00.008+08:00

I love Bubbbbbbaaaa!!!!!! So very the much I just wish there is another thing to replace the word love which is much more profound. & Yeah.. I know many are reading ... & Yes. I Love Mr Bubbbaa so much. He love me too!!! HHHHEEEE..

& Somehow i know der are people who will go an extra mile to burst this bubble. But believe me, it won't work. Not all people judge from what they hear. Believe me. I'm tired of being supernice. I really am. The inevitable form of returning back my deeds to u assholes is bitching behind my back. I've enough. Just stop this crap & learn to grow.

I'm not that stupid as you people think I am. I may be silent but I know alot. & I mean alot. It dosent get to me that I've been bitched. It gets to me to see you guys trying so hard to put me down subtle or not & so consistent in doing so. Macam takda kerja lain nak bikin. Kinda pity lah.

I know who are those BIG TIME hypocrites. But yeah, I'm still pulling a face & play ur game. Don;'t wanna be on the same level but just got to. Dun act like YOU FUCKING KNOW ME. CUZ YOU KNOW ME FOR MY FLAWS. EVEN A LIL FLAWS SEEM MAJOR. THAT I KNOW. CUZ YOU CHOSE NOT TO OVERLOOK IT. MAYBE MY MISTAKES WAS OVERLOOKING YOU PEOPLES BLOODY FLAWS. WHATEVER I HAD BLOODY DONE FOR YOU PEOPLE IS JUST A SMALL DOT IN YOUR BLOODY HEADS. I DUN HOPE FOR A RETURN. JUST ATLEAST FUCKING APPRECIATE IT. so here is a middle finger for you.Atleast after I get bitched after this, Im happy cuz atleast you have a good reason Y. FUCKERS.BUT HELLL YEAH, LIFE IS STILL GOOD.

We had that conversation..He wants me to be in his arms forever. I want that too. BUT If things dun work out.. Please please please please please, dun hate me. Cuz I will still love u no matter what. Its not you .. Its me. Give me some more time.

Today was best as well. OK bye.

2008-12-08T03:27:00.004+08:00

My weekends had been amazingly superb. Sophia came allway from KL to here. So met her & Wan @ Esplanade along wf Ju & Ecah. Babal came a bit later, followed by Dd. Waited for Giant & smoked. Hanged out fer a lil while & den, me , Wan , Bal & Sophia separated & made our ways. Major fun!!!! lalalalalalaalalala...

& & Today was out with Burger. We watched 2 movies, City of Ember which sucks like hell.. & & also Sex Drive. Sex Drive is a must watch!!! & he never fails to irritate me with his sacarsm. "I never walk the walk. I talk d talk". kbdocbdcn. He brought me to an early dinner @ this turkish restraunt @ Far East which took me 1 hour to finish the kebab burger. God knows how much of a hard time I had to gobble it all up. hehhhe...

& recently, I got Lacoste's "touch of pink" perfume for a gift!!!!!!!!

Today was supposed to be Hard Rock with some of them guys but gotta take a pass. Sorry bubba. = (

Oh Oh, selamat hari raya haji peoples!!!

2008-12-05T01:37:00.003+08:00

Alas, I delete the taggie. Anything, reach me through my phone my dear friends. Yeah. First it becomes advices, which I'm ok with it. And these motherfucking cowards just have to bloody drag this shit. Malas ah nak kecoh2.

To Harry: Sesungguhnya bila seseorang itu sengaja memalukan seseorang manusia di dunia, hukumnya ialah mukanya akan dicakar dengan kukunya sendiri di akhirat kelak. Oh, i dun mean to sound like another pious person like you tried to but yeah, fathom those. Cuz if you deliberately wanna embarass me by showing ur godamn family my pics, go ahead. = ) You too will get what you deserve, later on. Its ok. Really. Maybe your parents should think that they are also bringing up deir children & should think about you assholes instead of me. Thank you. I do come from a good family so let my good family manage me. Get that straight?

To D: Fuck off asshole. To both of you ass, what I'm trying to say here is that, you guys should just jaga tepi kain korang sendiri. That is all.

2008-12-04T12:00:00.004+08:00

I'm sorry my friends. As much as I know most is out there triyng to help, Im being ignorant. Just be in my shoes. Just atleast, try. I appreciate your concerns. I really do.

How can dis happen. Y must this happen. I'm tired of thinking. I'm tired of contemplating. I'm tired of deciding what to do next. This had been going on for days.

Confessions after confessions.One after another.

How can I pretend that I don't see, what you hide so carelessly?

Anyways, here are some more KL pics . Last of the last

Kalau ade minat nak baca, baca ye.

Members2 tgh best ikan gigit kulit diorang

Besar kan

Starbucks

Nak beli tapi takde lens. Mcm budak bodoh. So tak jadi.

I love it when he smiles this way

Wan pakai thights ingat sexy. haha

Dia tak abes2 cakap "Mcm surfer tengah tanning." Padehal tgh sejuk beh kejot tak nak bangun.

Mus camwhore No. 1

Curly fries!!

2 of my favourite boys & always be.

Me & Enal

Sedap berasamara dana di bawah lampu ...

Kita nyer own personal bartender

Sayang Bubba

OK corny

Tido mampos

Semua beriye iye nak mandi. Beh hangover semua terok nak mampos tros tak jadi.

Packing

Starbucks again

Kenny Rogers!!

My usual dish

Makan banyak!

Caramel Cheesecake

Enal punya jahat

Kucing2 nie lebih mulia dari manusia. Mereka dengar kata-kata tuan mereka.& dorang naik mtr bolong2 mcm gini bila tuan dia ride.

My fav brand

Kena Balik!!! Sob!

Bus yang mempunyai tv, makan, minum, steward, bantal dan selimut! RM 65 sahaja!

Makan tak habes. Pasal tengah tengok cerita super gore, bunuh2 beh ayam tu pun warna merah. So get my drift. Lagi sikit muntah gang

Wan tgh tripping. Heh. Pasal terjatokan camera dia.Oops

2008-12-01T19:19:00.003+08:00

Smlm pagi ge expo ngan Bubba. Beh dia sweet sekali. Dia belikan Mus camera. Tak sangka dapat camera baru lor. Samsung pink colour some more. = ) Its 3 in 1, with Mp3, Mp4 & d camera itself. Thanks byk2 k bubba. Lup lup lot lot. Me happy banget now. But its still tak fair ok!

Jumpe Bestie kat rumah dia.Bebual panjang lebar tunggu hujan berhenti. Lawa sekali lah nie budak. Heh. Proceed ge town. Mus beli benda mengakal. Beli night gown tapi tuk buat jalan. Colour maroon purple beh ada butterfly nyer embroidery. Lawa sekali. So ape lagi, angkat. = )

Pegi Marina Square next, makan kat Breeks. Lasagne & Buffalo wings. Sungguh lazat.

Nadh ngan Yaya kalau korg baca nie takyah kekek k. Aku trying to mempertingkatkan bahasa melayu aku. Mcm faham.

On the contary, I'm a very sad girl. Recently. Infact, extremely shattered to the core. But I try to fathom whats been said. When all else fails... I give up.

2008-11-30T05:38:00.002+08:00

I did out of the world things. I just can't control myself anymore. I used to have that thing to refrain myself but now. No.

All I want to do is get high & wasted when I have too much on my mind.

Its not good, that I know. I wish I could be back to what I was once, in proper control of myself.

Its just too bad. Hate me. Its ok.

2008-11-29T12:12:00.008+08:00

SHopping at town was best. I bought pretty2 things. A retail therapy is all dat I need. Caught 4 Christmases. BEST!!! I've always loved Reese Whiterspoon. & Oh I didnt reached home till 6am. Got my double choc frappe & hanged out at kallang. Its all good.

D other day, I didnt get too wasted. I slept like a log & realised I got 10 miss kals in total frm Wan & Bubba. But I managed to wake up in my own @ 1am & rushed down. Its all good. Sayang mereka.

I've reasons Y i strayed away from many. As much as I didnt want to, but sometimes, I just have to. Its for the best & it is the best.

Friends, or fiends? You decide.

Bubba manis sekali. Dia buat kan mus pizza beh plus kasi byk2 wedges & nuggets. Siap dengan delivery lak tu. Best? F.O.C. Heh. kidding. I owe u one ok? Lup u byk2 skali lah.

2008-11-27T19:27:00.002+08:00

My life is a piece of crap right now. I hope after I settled all my bloody debts, I get to breathe.

Need to get wasted like right now. Chivas waiting for me. & I'm craving for it. Wan & Bubba asked me to go later tonight.

So lets...!!!! I'm bloody stressed right now. I really really am.

We had dat bloody talk. It almost happened but someone had to pull back bcuz of a lame reason. & So, that's it. Its gonna be hard but yeah sometimes, you'll never know when you lose grib of d good things only when you have lose it. Dats when remorse will act up & too bad, it will be a tad too late. I'm speaking for myself too.

2008-11-25T09:24:00.009+08:00

I feel so fucked up, I feel like getting wasted again today. Let's Wan & Bubba!

More pics from KL. Believe me there is more coming up

Pagi2 lapar gi makan kat Larkin

Hershey's Bubblegum. SEDAP!

Somebody step tido.

Makan again. Enal was stoning big time

Them guys trying hard to "revamp" d room

Camwhoring pt 1

Camwhoring pt.2

Jalan2 carik makan

At Pudu

He was really dancing infront of the booth. Cuz he get to eat, atlast!

Nak makan ape ah?!

Yummy= )

Muka dorg busok pasal geli ikan gigit

Inside of d spa. lawa kan/

Me & bubba ! = )

I'm tearing like hell. I dun wanna lose another good friend bcuz of sumting that is so minor.

I'm in another morose phase. Believe me.

The other day the wedding was fun seeing them cuzzins. & den off back home. I have to wear flowers on my head.Flowergirl habes.My cuzzin look so handsome clad in his baju kurung & tanjak.

& & The plans for the movie got cancelled. I have to go back for the bloody dinner till late.Cuzzin fetched me with his DRZ. BEST!!! Makan sedap nak mampos. My perut is getting bigger!

Met Bubba right after sending my another cuzzin back home. = ( Bal, I love you banyak2 ok.

Oh peoples I'm still single. & I aint seeing anyone already. For crying out loud.I'm contemplating I should stop everything with him. I wanna change my habits. I wanna meet someone who is not afraid to tell me he loves me. That is all I want. Any takers? OMG. I sound so desperate.HE'S a nice friend who would do anything for me & HIM, i will just look as another good close friend. I decided I couldnt pursue more. So yeah, back to square one, lonely & searching...

Christmas sale is now on. Fuck. Lets go shopping!!!!
Early next mth, we 4 stooges are going KL again. = O

Wee!

2008-11-23T17:54:00.002+08:00

I love my IBU. More of a friend when advice. She understands me so well. I wouldnt ask for more. I could tell her about evrything in the world. & I really mean everything in the world. I rather she knows the real me rather den dose people who acts like they are good but... Hello IBU. I know you are reading this. = )

I'm miting him soon. Watching a movie at Marina. Jumpa lagi. Best kan. Love you byk2. Den mlm jumpe Bubba.

& DEN I GOT HIGH....

2008-11-22T14:58:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was fun nak mampos! Its always fun being with Wan & Bal. Shit happens but yeah, its all good. I'm damn dead, i have to attend to a gig @ Art house later. Atlast, I will be seeing my girl!!! Its been so long. Den off to bestie's & meet Bal again to ..... Sparing d details. = )

My lifestyle changed drastically. That I know. But I'm with people who take good care of me, & i really mean take good care of me. They are der not to only have fun with me but also der to listen to shits & it goes vice versa. People who dun care about what I do as long as I can take care of myself. Even if I go overboard, dey will handle me in d correct way. People who dun give me a hard time. People who understands the mistakes I had made. People who cheers me up when I'm down. That's important.

I love Babal. I love Wan. I love burger. I love my bestfriend. I love my girl & sister to me, Ecah. I love my so called brother, Ju. I love Yaya. I love Nadh. I love Siti. Ok. I'm crapping alot. My head is bursting anytime soon & I feeling like throwing up. This is bad!

2008-11-21T19:20:00.004+08:00

Many2 pix from KL. I chose the best out of the best. Will post up many more in d next entry so here goes:

In 170 off to Larkin

Waiting for the bus to KL

Concorde's Lobby

Camwhoring Session

Breakfast @ Subway

Fish Spa

Ikan-ikan makan foot rot Enal

Me & Bubba

Trying on shades

Hard Rock Cafe

I love the background

Camwhoring again

@ KLCC

In d train to Petaling

Rm 10!!

In d lift

Cepat! Masok ngan aku!

Thai Club

Hee

My teman tapi mesra boy. I realise he have dimples!

My wasted gangs

2008-11-20T19:57:00.005+08:00

Sayang Bubba= )

Have you ever given this situation a thought?

Sure, you have a significant other. It never mattered how long you are with them, sometimes it mite even take you a million years to actually know the REAL them. & so, U tot 'ey r ur source of happiness. But after a long period of time , u came to a realisation , u r only smiling bcuz they are funny in nature. But you cried many moments dat dey dunnoe about becuz u knew they never cared about u. Many circumstances have proven you that. U kept mum about your feelings bcuz U knew talking things out isnt deir forte & it wouldnt do you any good. & you finally realised, you just had enuf.

& Somehow, as if god have planned, you happen to undeliberately stumble across someone who cares for you. ALOT. Did things ur significant others never tot of doing. Sure, it mite me MORALLY wrong to some dat you ditched ur significant other bcuz of another. That's not wise, isnt it but still, we choose our own happiness, don't we? That's fact. & You realise, this new person is actually ur source of happiness bcuz despite knowing you were hated by many, you are still smiling away, enjoying every bit of moment being with him. Oblivious to d hatred u r recieving. Cuz d pure happiness you found is in him. Noone else matters to you already.

You knew you made a mistake by doing dat 2 ur significant other but for once you upgrde ur ego & told urself "He deserve this."

Soon, u found out dat der are people arnd who also see that he dosent treat you good & told u over & over again that u deserve better.They see & judge for themselves , amazingly not through words of mouth but with their own EYES. & You realise, its not your fault you did this to him.

In this situation, u make your own judgements & liberations. & Stop talking about morals & stuff when you dun bloody have 1.

& So,
I take back all my apologies. For real. I was dumb to lower my EGO to apologize.Infact there is no reason Y I should apologize.Hey, I'm good.

Bubba say "I love you too, party gerl!". I love him many2 many2 many2. So much, ok Bubba! I wish I have a brother like him. = )

2008-11-18T16:09:00.003+08:00

http://shortstorieswithatragicending.blogspot.com/

This is where I will express my every morose moments. My quotes. My poems. My In short entries.

I can't wait to shop for Bali. Bikinis, sundressess, short skirts, tanks, sleeveless, flops. Christmas sale on? On d contrary, I will need to lose a whole lot of weight. Nadh, lets start jogging! heh.

& I love Abang Bubba so much. He took good care of me besides Wan. I love them both. = )

2008-11-18T01:11:00.008+08:00

Happiest moment...

How much we have grown..

FUCKERS. You fucking dunnoe me. So, dun even intend to bring me down. I dun care who the hell you are. Related or not. We all are living our own lives. Prolly your sister, brother or parents are even doing the worse things den I had. Tot about dat? So fuck off. Like I said, I'm enjoying it before it last. & I did say, one day, I'll compromise myself & get myself settled. Any good person can change into d worse person. & Vice versa. So stop asking me questions. You can talk behind my back. Whatever.I've swallowed too many shits from people, even from d people I called friends. I'm good now so leave me alone/

Today was d first time we met & we didnt hold each other. He said he was disappointed in me. I wanted to hug him real bad, I wanna kiss his cheeks. But sighs. He didnt even gave me that guesture. Eargh. Wat the hell. I kinda have enuf of holding back. I waited for much too long. I'm not yours eventually but I'm sorry if I have hurt u. Prolly, we have to stop this. I am loving living this way. I dun wanna hurt you with my truth. I'm no longer that girl you u knew d first tme we got close. I've been igoring ur advices. I'm listening 2 only myself. But if you are mine, I'll listen to u.

2008-11-17T11:13:00.005+08:00

Long entry about KL.Heh.

That's Sophia( Wan's friend staying in KL) beside me.

At thai bar

Dancing with Bal. I look like a fucking retard! I wanted to tel him ' Jap bal! Belum ready!" & it look like this. Thanks eh Bubba. Heh. I just so love dancing with this guy. Hot moves. = p

MORE PIX soon from Wan's cammie!!
KL IS FUCKING AWESOME!! Its just so extreme fun being with them guys!!! We are making another trip very soon after the Bali trip & I'm so der. Bring more cash & party more!! WEE!

We reached KL @ 4.30 am,(my bloody MP3 dropped in d bus, btw). Had breakfast @ a nearby mama shop in Pudu till 6.30am, took d train to Bukit Nanas. We managed to checked in d hotel, at Concorde. Beautiful. Washed up , rested 4 a while & went out. Headed to Subway 4 breakfast in Pudu & den walked arnd @ Sungai Wang & Bukit Bintang. Bought a dress, leggings, 2 earrings & headbands. Belom pape dah shop mcm orang ape.

Hanged out @ starbucks fo sum drinks, & headed back to our hotel. Catched some forty winks(its so hard to wake them guys by d way), washed up again & headed to KLCC cuz dey wanna have A & W. Awesome. Make a new friend, Sophia. Nice girl. Wan's friend. She joined us after our late lunch & we headed to Petaling. Bought a COACH bag at only 65 rm , an exact replica of Adidas watch for 25rm, an authentic rayban for only 10rm. & den I'm broke. Haha.

Had dinner @ a nearby shop, nasi goreng & kerang bakar, sedap. Headed back to d hotel to change. Every1 was tired lah. but party is still party. heh. headed to a Thai bar,5 mins walk frm Concorde. Nice bar. Heneiken, Chivas with Coke & Green tea. Wasted.Gone. Enal was d last standing. Heh. Danced like hell with Bubba & a lil with Wan, d songs was OK. & den Wan pulled us out cuz he was tripping with some guys at d bar. & it was only 3am ! They have to drag me back, seriously. Amma spare details but nuting bad happen to me lah. We made a lot of noise & d security came up & gave warning. Oops.

D next morning wen I woke up, I realised I was cuddling wf Bal, Wan was in d middle of our & enal's bed, on d floor(he dosent know how he got der). After breakfast, packed up & checked out at 12. Headed to times square for Kenny rogers & starbucks. Everyone was stoning cuz of the bloody hangovers. It was fucking bad lah. Sophia joined us too. Initially wanted to play d rides but it was late. We walked arnd aimlessly & d next thing we knew we had to board d bus at 9.30pm. My body was killing me. My bag was so godamn heavy ok.

The bus was fucking best. We have our own TV, they serve food, They gave us blankets & pillow. Massage chair. What could be more best kan? I slept like a log. Reached sing at 1.30am everyone was complaining oredi.

Fuck fuck. I wanna go there again!!! Tak puas kan! Thanks to d people who made it happen. Love them bayk2 sekali.=)

& like Bubba say to me " Dun get a boyfriend first, ok?Later ada boyfriend you wun be around to have fun with us lah. Dun worry, you still have all of us,ok?"

Strongly agreed.

2008-11-13T00:02:00.003+08:00

Met up with Z today at her new crib @ kembangan. Her room is oh so gorgeous. Incredibly hot, seriously. She's gorgeous herself. All of us couldnt bring ourselves to make eye contact but its understandable cuz its been more den a year since we last saw each other. Anyways, we ordered Canadian pizza cuz pizzahut couldnt take our orders.WTF. Watched Hantu Ambulance & Dead Silence at her hot flatscreen. We caught up with a lot of things. Somehow I could feel d bond is still there. She had always been my best friend. I didnt realised I missed her so much until I saw her. It was nice hugging her & everything. We did sumting bad in d room. Shhhh. heh. I can just go on & on about today. It was all good.

First mas had to be called for work no doubt it was her off day, but she managed to gt herself released. & when she came home, she got called back but managed to talk the management out of it. & den, it rain badly from d time I went out of work, to fetching mas & to Z's crib. Things was down hill. & worse, Mas camera got disfunctional. After while, things went uphill & her camera miraculously could be used. = ).

I'm praying...

2008-11-11T19:48:00.005+08:00

Random pics

From Fuad's Tagged

Stole from Ju's blog

Yesterday was another perfect evening with him. He treated me to Tropic Thunder at Bugis. It's just so nice cuddling in d theatre. Heh. But d movie sucks big time lah. After which, he treated me for supper at McDonald's Adam Road. I pillioned him & he told me he will bring me to wherever I wanna go. Nak go to d moon with u, can? Hee. I just super love the place. I just feel like its out of d civilisation area & so very the peaceful. Nak gi sana byk2 lagi can?

Headed to our significant place, cuddling, joking, swit nutings. What could be more perfect den being in d arms of a nice and gorgeous man? I'm sounding dramatic, yes I know. Heh. I'm so in love with his smile. One of d most sweetest EVER. We hanged out til 6 am & eventually I slept dead on his chest. Another perfect moment. & He was beyond sweet. He actually rushed down to his sister's place before mitng me to take "kuih cornflake" cuz he knows I love them so much. He made it for raya & it is still good to eat & I'm induldging it as I blog = )

Tomorrow me & bestie will be miting our long lost bestie, Zayana. OMG.Its been way too long. I wonder how things are going to be. I hope things work out well. Prolly then, the picture will be complete. I ain't hoping for anything yet but we'll see how things goes. Lets be gorgeous, girls. Heh.

& 3 more days to KL!! Wee. I so need a harversack. Blueks.

2008-11-09T22:59:00.002+08:00

Blog dalam bahasa melayu sekali sekala.

Semalam tido rumah bestfriend. Sebelum tu ge Jun ngan kakak Shikin nyer wedding. Jun lawa sekali sey. geram. Muka ala ala Ziana Zain. Sungguh terperanjat. Kerana kat keje dia tak pakai make up. Make up do a whole lot of wonders. Beh kan dapat jumpa si DIA sekejap dgn baju kurung sekali. By the way, mus pakai baju kurung terbalik lah the whole way. Sungguh memalukan. Duduk setengah jam tros dia nak balik pasal sakit perut. Beh mus sedih sekali. Tapi takpa lah. Pack pack. Pegi rumah bestfriend. Mus buat lyric. Tido satu jam lebih. Tros bangun, continue beh tgk cerita hantu. Halfway kena aircon kan, mata pun kelat beh mus tido. Tido maha mati gang. Paginya, dua2 tak mandi, gosok gigi pakai eyeliner beh turun makan kat long john. Long john belakang rumah. Best kan.

Beh proceed gi TNT for recording. Dapat nyanyi dua lagu for the last 10 mins je. Nyanyi pun tak sedap. Cuz rushing. Tak tahulah outcome dia camana nanti. Nnti besok lusa dah dapat lagu, mus post ok. Beh siddiq nyayi tak ikot lyric. Mus tulis perah otak beh tak nak belajar. ada hati nak cakap orang step mcm mana nyer Britney Spears. Jahat sekali kan nie budak. Humph.

K K si Dia akan kol ... Ingat dah tido mati kepe. Actually petang dia ada niat nak ajak jumpa beh dia ingat mus abes lambat. Selalu gini tau! Geram lah. & & maybe mus & Bubba nak gi Mustafa tukar duit m'sia. Kita tak jadi gi harley nyer party cuz bubba abes keje lambat. & party pun dah end lah tu. ARGH!

2008-11-08T19:05:00.002+08:00

Whatever I post always get mis interpreted. Penat lah nak explain. Furthermore, I guess the whole layering makes people thinks a 1001 things about what I'm trying to say. Subtle is good. & so is being ambiguous.

Met him for awhile after d wedding. & got into another conflict. He walked away. I cried. But resolved. Suddenly I got so tired of this unreasonable tiffs we had. Like what the fuck. Seriously.

Besok Mus & Bubba nak ge party kat Harley Davidson nyer gathering. Boozing again!! Mus is a party animal, Bubba said. I'm not lah dey. Its just an invitation from a friend. = )

2008-11-08T13:27:00.004+08:00

Firstly, congrats to Kynn & Yat for getting engaged. Ahhh! One nasties down. Who is next?!!!

I feel like a celebrity!! Yay!!! They still wanna find out about this & that about my life. Whatever for, dun question me. I have no heck of an idea why. They have phatetic lives, prolly? Is my life that interesting, may I know? Oh maybe that is y Im in d centre of your attentions. WEE!!! Susah dapat, gangs.Oh, if you wanna know about every single details in my life, dun be afraid,cowards, just fucking ask me. Hah.
Then again, fucking cowards. You can say 1001 things about me, and kept on wondering who the fuck I'm seeing, why the fuck I wear revealing get ups, why d fuck I got wasted, y d fuck der are others who still loves me. Go on. = ) Its my life. It's now or never.. lalalala.
Ei, SACARSM is fun. = )

Mak saya selalu kata, jangan slalu kata orang. Nanti kena kat diri sendiri lagi teruk.

Oh, I've seen with my own eyes but the person who is in d situation dosent. Ada hati nak tegur menegur padehal diri sendiri tak betul. So kan korang korang kan, nengkali kan, cermin diri sendiri ok?. Jangan nak tahu mengata orang aje. nanti dah kena, malu sendiri. Bodoh bahalol. Anak sungai. Nanti time orang lain mengata takleh accept. Lumrah hidup. Tsk tsk.

Beh semalam turun buai2 pasal abang bubba suroh. Abeh kita bobal2 rancak sampai ngantok semua hilang. Best bebual ngan dia. = )

Someone is not too happy, so I see. Nak jumpa! Nak peluk kuat2 sekali, can? = ( Nanti maybe dua hari sey tak dapat berbual. Rindu nanti camane. Sob Sob...

Bulan lima Wan ajak gi phuket ngan bubba. Best kan. Nak kena kumpul duit byk2 skali beh ge travelling slalu, lagi best. Lagi relax. Beh gi ngan orang2 yang gerek nak mampos pun lagi best. Bubba cakap dia nak buat KL our monthly getaway. yea. Petaling byk2. 2nd singapore ok? YAY!

2008-11-06T18:52:00.007+08:00

Him = Love. Been quite sometime.There was a lil tense moment here & der. I almost burst out crying. But he hugged me so tight I ran out of breath.

Me: I always do things drastically & ended up regretting.
Him: Its ok. Its good you feel regret. Some people don't.
Me: I feel so lost wihout you.
Him: You should learn how to adapt with my absence.

= (

Thank god he understand no doubt he was disappointed.He made me damn guilty , ultimately beyond guilty.

Him: I can jollywell do what I wanna do but I stopped because I know you wouldnt like it.But its just so sad to learn that you have the heart to do those things without even thinking about my feelings.

Previous Post
I'm in love with my current life now. Away from people who destroyed my life. You lose one you gain one. So Im in no loss actually. I'm miting him tonight, I'm gonna make myself comfy cuddling him, kissing his ever fair cheeks, twirling his locks. At our significant place. YAY! My status is still single, just incase if people are in doubt. But wtf. I'm enjoying it before it lasts.

& & Bubba said me & him both are having the kawan tapi mesra bond. I love this guy too!!! = ) Next time, we skank again but dis time round, lets not get wasted, ok? Atleast for me lah. heh.

Happy happy happy. But a person can't be too happy anyway. The next I know, another fucker will try to tear this contented ME apart.

2008-11-05T20:17:00.003+08:00

I'm sick. Its bound to get worse any time soon.Shucks. My recording is in a few days time. I'm starting to cough like mad & Imma lose my voice. Members, if i really lose my voice.... But i'll try to take good care of my health aite. If it dosent get better by that day, I'm really sorry. I think I overworked & my system got crashed. = ( Tekak super gatal lor.

Met him yesterday at his void deck. I was so darn ecstatic. I wanna hug & kiss him but sumhow I told him about what happened to me when he was not around & he cut the meet up short. I felt guilty for telling but I know it will get worse if he knows it on his own. Shucks. I lost 2 of my valuable items by the way & I know he wun be too happy to know. SHit shit shit.

"So much of being a good girl. I told you not to go to any unecessary outings yet you failed me" so he said.

I was dumbfounded.

"Please do not go to ____. . I will make myself free one day & I will go with you instead. Trust me. I'm afraid to let you off after knowing what happened to you when I am not arnd."

OMG. Major dilemma.

I depended on him too much. With his absence I changed into a monster. I do not wanna fail him but I have my reasons. Thank god, he still understands & dosent make a big hoo haa out of it. I know he is too disappointed in me to say anything.

"Somtimes many things are better left unsaid" he said.
Me: " Is that supposed to be read in between the lines?"
" You can read me. I can read you. So by all means, read me now & dun ask any more questions."

Shit.

I was ecstatic. He got my favourite scents & a cute bag for me to put my important documents.

" The first thing I bought was your things . I didnt even get mine before getting yours.If only I wasnt on a tight budget I had bought you whatever I know you liked. & I only called you & my mum. Noone else. Does that mean anything to you?"

He is the most sweetest thing ever.

"Just remember, I had been there for you when you are in shit or need accompany. How tired I am or even how busy I am, I had always made time to be there for you."

= (. He knows how to make me guilty. Double shit.

2008-11-04T20:45:00.003+08:00

I miss him like hell!!! He msged me atlast. Cepat call! Then we can tok & tok & tok. I wanna c u A.S.A.P. I wanna hug you kuat2 until you suffocate & kiss your cheeks until penyek! = (

Say what you want. Not many of you know the real me. I blog my life down. I took risk. Cuz I know humans tend to look & comment about my flaws & going to the extent of hating me, rather than appreciating my contributions & deeds that I had done. I dun need these people in my life. I may have strayed away. Everything I do or infact what we do have its reasons Y. As long as I dun seek for food, shelter & cash from you, let me be.

& yeah, I'm fucking hungry. Been a workacholic lately, over time pratically everyday. I even forgot to eat just now.Eargh. My head is spinning. I shall take my nap. Prolly I will end up sleeping. heh.

2008-11-03T20:32:00.005+08:00

hMy head is in bloody pain. Goodness.

Yesterday was HRC with Bal, Cdek, Usop & Brad. Plus some McD delivery guys, after much contemplation. Was lazy to go actually due to some circumstances but it was bushmen night so I think its pretty much OK. They are bloody awesome. Had super fun, skanking & grinding with Bal & Usop. Usop's dance was super sexy & we were sort of competing who dance sexier. & & I got kisses on my cheeks from Bal & Usop for having fun. Wee = ) Made a new friend. He is oh so cute but nah, no intention to pursue anything. Lalalalalalalala.

Amsterdam, Chivas, Bourbon. Gone. 2 days of getting wasted. Not good. But Bal took good care of me. Until people actually tot he was my boyfriend. He dosent let go of me the whole way through. Abang Bubba. I shall call you that! hahaha. & & he said he like to smell my hair. Busuk lah!!! = p

I'm trying to enjoy my life as much as I can, covering back those morose moments I had with people who tried their hardest until NOW to bring me down. I had never intefere in anyone's life yet they are intefering into mine. I know many of YOU people secrets.I can simply burst everything out but I'm keeping it to myself cuz Y the fuck should I make your life miserable by making others hate you. You can do that to me but I wun stoop as low as you, motherfuckers. I'm not making this up. But I really do. Go ahead & test me if you want. & If it burst out, I swear you will be shocked. Trust me. I'm speaking in general,btw. Not to 1 particular person but to a couple. & & Go on & bitch about me. Atleast I am having fun while you, getting all pissed cuz you failed to achieve what you plan. U cant make everybody hate me. I may no longer be that girl alot once knew but deep down, I'm still me. So, bug off morons & start counting your mistakes before counting mine. So Long BITCHES.

Sendiri mau terasa ah.

2008-11-02T23:04:00.002+08:00

I wasnt being a good girl. I just realised I can't be your good girl. Cuz I'm planning my life & I'm living it as how I want it. I can't restrict my temptations because of YOU. I'm sorry. I still don't know how I'm going to break it to you on what I've become. I've enough of holding back just to make people happy but when I make mistakes, people make a big hoo-haa out of it. I've enough. I seriously had it. I'm sorry I had to do this to you as well. I know you will be disappointed. I know we are going to have another tense moment if you know. Sometimes, honesty is not the best policy. Believe me. If I lie, I have my reasons Y.

2008-11-02T12:35:00.004+08:00

3 Submarines....

Yesterday was Saw 5 with Wan Bell. I did not get to see the first kill where the guy's stomach got sliced. Cuz I got popcorns at the last minute. Shucks. But its ok to pass it up. The whole movie is fucking sick. Seriously sick. I was d only person who screamed. Wan bell was pissed. Hahaha. Oopps. After the movie,we met Ju & Echa @ Esplanade. Been long since I last went there. Esplanade is boring. jkscbdcwn.

Left at 11pm to meet Bal & he only came at 1.30. Me & Wan fucking tripped...2 hours of wait.But I got to beat Bal. Padan muka. But we had major fun. I'mma spare d details.

Her : Are you Malay?
Me: Yah.
Her: You're beautiful. You look so American & so fair. Your mum or dad American?
Me: Haha. No. All pure malay.

AMerican habes!!!!!!!!! hahahaha. WTF

Hanged out at d stage next. Wan messaged my head & usap usap my hair till I fell asleep. I was perspiring like hell & he pulled my hair so that angin can masok. Pardon my form of words. Still blur lah. Oh & I stopped perspiring. Sedap lor. I woke up & d sun was shining. Bal got us McDonalds for breakfast. Best.

Best tau sekali sekala kena pampered. + ). Bah.

2008-11-01T01:38:00.002+08:00

" Please do not go to any unecessary outing. I do not like you having unwanted attention from typical guys,ok?"

I'm going to be your good girl. Trust me. = )

I took half day leave just to see him. We met up at 9 am for breakfast & hanged out. He wanted to meet me earlier but circumstance did not allow so he sort of made me meet him later. He said he just need to c me. + p. We had great fun, we wrestled, I laughed like a hyeena, I spit my green tea(lucky it wasnt on him). It was all so good. We had a conversation before we met. Sumting about having to come prepared that one day these things have to come to an end. I cry like budak kecik. All sobbing. But he made it all up to make me feel better. I am so going to miss you banyak2 sekali. We are not gonna have any late night talks for the time being due to some stuffs but I guess I will survive. = (

Halloween at Escape Theme Park was gerek. Fun people was der, Nadh, Yaya, Ju & Ecah. We only get to go in d haunted house( I scream like crazy), wet & wild, Family coaster & another scary ride. Took a lot of pics with the made-up hantu. Best. = ) Some rides are no longer working, so kinda boring. Humph.

Probably will be meeting Bubba tomorrow for Saw 5. Yay! OK, nak tido!!

2008-10-31T04:31:00.002+08:00

After sometime, I got to see my bestie!! Fetched her from work at town & we hanged out at Mc Cafe for my usual Double Choc. Even if I dun see her often, whenever we met, our bond is still so strong, we can talk about everything in the world & der wun be any awkward moment. She will be one of those who I will be der for. Forever if possible. Love you banyak2. This Saturday will be movie-marathoning over her place. Yay! Sleep-over!!!

Just woke up from my 3.5 hour of nap. Good friend gonna call soon.

Oh oh, sometimes, things just have to change....

2008-10-30T01:23:00.004+08:00

New entry-->We fucking fought again. He hanged up on me. HIM! Sometimes, I get really sick & tired of this. Like now. Prolly my PMS makes it worse & his fatigueness dosent make it any better. But thank god, he called back. I almost msged him something that can break this tie. & he said he was sorry so I guess that will do. But still, I'm disappointed but i will sleep it off. & Sorry for shouting "FUCK YOU!". I can be very defensive at times, so bear with it.

Omg. I'm damn beat. I'm supposed to be paying back my sleep but was distubred by his call. I'm seriously not in d mood to have a long conversation. I want my sleep! But I got 5 hours of sleep after work just now so I guess I'll survive. Cepat call balik, cepat berbual, cepat letak, den cepat tido. Takleh take it liao. This new job have taken its toll on me.

OMG. I can't wait for my KL trip in 2 weeks time, followed by the Bali trip in January & den the Australia trip in Febuary. Yeah baby yeah. I've pact to have fun on my own no matter what it takes. I'm spending loads of cash on these trips so NOTHING will & can bring me down. = ) Discussed about KL yesterday. It will only be me, Wan, Bal & Enal.

Ok, he called. Bye!

2008-10-28T22:23:00.002+08:00

I brought work back home. & I'm still procrastinating to finish the last. scbbdcwnmd. I've been watching amanda bynes movies instead. hehehehe.. & soon, I'm heading to buai2 to meet bal & wan to discuss d trip. OK, I am so dead.

2008-10-28T02:43:00.004+08:00

Is this true love?

I just met him & was with him for more den 12 hours yet I'm missing him so bad. I guess he must be sleeping right now cuz I have yet to receive his call & its gonna be 3am soon. Sighs. I want him to be mine right now. But it could never possibly happen cuz circumstance just don't allow. I know he love me alot. I know. I could feel it. Relationship fails, so by not tying the knot, I guess things will be well-off. I told many guys I'm attached. I am. To you. Literally.

I miss your sweet smile, I miss your embrace I miss your touch. I miss dose silly debates. i miss kissing your cheeks. I miss hugging you so tight. I miss playing with your hair. Most importantly, I miss you.

2008-10-27T14:25:00.005+08:00

My life is unpredictable. When its in its downs, I will be in my lowest, in d dumps. But when it's in d ups, I feel like my life is so magical, fairy-tale like, simply spectacular.

Its alright if a million people wanna loathe me for 1001 reasons. But I'll be alright cuz 1 person loves me for just 1 reason.

Its 2.30 in d afternoon & I just reached home. Caught The Coffin. Fuck. Waste my fucking money. Like seriously. Its all so dragging with full of crap talks & little suspense. CB. I should have watched SAW 4 instead. After d show, we hanged out until like now. Mengakal. But its all good.

A girl on cloud 9...
& & we had an ultimately good time together. He carried me like those typical hindustan heroes carrying d heroins. & & threathened to throw me. I shouted "Jangan jangan" so loud I guess it could wake up d whole neighbourhood. & & he made me laugh like a hyeena, its been oh-so-long since I had a good laugh. & He was being nice, very nice indeed. Received a peck on d cheeks when I fetched him & I blushed so bad I wanted to run away. I'm in cloud 9 so pardon me for NOT sparing d details. = ) Its my blog anyway, so what? dcbncnlwd. I always have a great time wenever I am with him. I just love seeing & being around him. He always make me feel secure. Too bad he's not mine. Ahaha. kscobaio.

PLUS,I never had someone who actually cared so much about my well-being, he even wanted to pay me back my money I've purchased for the ______in order for me not to go to ____. Whoa. Cuz he was worried if I would be in trouble. & & he also told me he is more den willing to fetch me anywhere & anytime if I go to ____ & make sure I dun sleep over.Even if I have to go back on my own.

"Hearing this makes me not wanting & scared to let you off to ____ I'm worried if shit happens when you are there."

= ( Major dilemma.